1. I wish I’d left the house 10 minutes earlier.
2. But then again, maybe the traffic was worse 10 minutes ago. So actually, I’ve timed this rather well. Go me!
3. Though I obviously could have left half an hour earlier. Then I would have definitely missed the traffic, and maybe even had enough time to stop and grab a coffee en route.
4. Maybe I could start leaving even earlier and squeeze in a quick gym session before work.
5. Ooh and maybe I’d even have the time to make myself a lovely healthy, Instagram-worthy breakfast.
6. Yes! This could totally be my life. I’ll be some sort of mega-healthy superhuman that’s always on time and never stressed. Why didn’t I start doing this sooner?
7. *Laughs to self while eating a cereal bar that contains more calories than a Snickers*
8. I wish I had flashing lights and a siren, life would be so much easier. I’d only use it in absolute emergencies of course, like this morning. And if I’m about to miss the start of Game of Thrones.
9. Oops, I just made prolonged eye-contact with someone at a bus stop. Bit awkward.
10. People, seriously, please stop picking your noses. Your windscreen’s made of glass, WE CAN ALL SEE YOU!
11. I really will leave 10 minutes earlier tomorrow. Or maybe just check the traffic reports first thing.
12. That seems like a lot of hassle though.
13. I bet Beyoncé doesn’t have to put up with this sort of nonsense.
14. The pavement is so empty, what if I just…
15. Perhaps I could just abandon my car and walk the rest of the way. Seems like the only sensible option at this point.
16. Seriously, what
is the hold up? Has the apocalypse happened and no-one’s told me?
17. No, surely not, mum would have called to remind me to wear a coat.
18. At least all these other people are going to be late for work too. That doesn’t help me at all, but it does make me feel slightly better.
19. *Mentally starts practising the patented ‘bursting into the office while gasping “sorry, traffic was a nightmare”’ manoeuvre*
20. Gah, I’m so bored! *Starts reading number plates for entertainment*
21. How many hours of my life have I spent stuck in traffic? I bet it’s loads. That’s what I’m doing right now: wasting my life. What’s the point of anything? *Falls into pit of despair*
22. Why doesn’t teleportation exist?
23. I probably could have invented it myself in the time I’ve been SAT IN MY BLOODY CAR.
24. I have 4 minutes left to get to work. That’s totally do-able. As long as I don’t hit any red lights. And find a parking space immediately. And get hold of some plutonium for my flux capacitor, go back in time to this morning and leave 10 MINUTES EARLIER.